Psalm 22:1414 I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint. My heart has turned to wax; it has melted away within me.
Much of my heart has been hidden behind a good laugh or surrounded safely within sarcasm. I am one born to question, probe, provoke and not accept things at face value. My heart questions God, wrestles with God, and even becomes angry with God. Within the first several days of the vision trip to Swaziland at the Mpholi carepoint I found myself cursing God. I questioned His whereabouts, His heart and His love for the children in this village. There was a youg girl holding a baby on her back and singing beautifully. As I watched her, she began to melt my heart like wax. Watching her, observing her, beginning to care for her, I found myself becoming very angry with God. I took some time in solitude to cry out in anger and honesty with God. I continued to wrestle with where God's compassion was unfolding in this really difficult place. Later on the trip, I encountered a kairos moment--A moment where God enters into time, fulfilling it and expanding it beyond the everday normalcy. It happened when I spent time in the home of one of the Go-Go's or grandmothers. These are the women in the villages in the rural areas of the country who have already reared their children, many who have died to HIV, and now they are caring, loving, and feeding the children left behind from the wave of death of a generation of adults. These Go-Go' s live out the heart of Christ. They suffer, yet show compassion...they are worn yet they remain strong. They are in pain yet they have a resilient peace. In the lives of the Go-Go's God answered my cries of anger and God began and continues to turn my heart to wax and is stripping away the synicism, the judgemtnalism and the pride....breaking me as I conintue to think about and remember the lives of the Go-Go's.....they are living on mission for Chirst in brokenness calling me to follow.
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